I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
