i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
