And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ugly people sure do ruin things
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize