Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
