Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
