btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
