I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
