the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
