he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
