I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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