I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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