Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
