I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
