We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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