I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was like eating out sand paper
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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