At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well you can't waste a boner
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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