I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
