People in love make me want to vomit
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
