I just threw up on my dentist
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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