Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
