i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
