I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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