Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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