Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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