my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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