Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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