I love black thongs
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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