its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize