What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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