He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
