He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
