You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
