i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize