I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
