Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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