i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
