Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
