Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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