The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
