she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
