this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
