I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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