I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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