i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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