I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
