Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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