you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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