either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
