I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize