Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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