I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
