Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
