The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
