hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
