You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
