it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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