masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
