i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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