Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
