how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
