I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
