Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
