Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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