the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
