I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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